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© DSFC |
CLOCKSTOPPERS
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| OR SLOWER-DOWNERS, REALLY | ||||||||||||
| by
pat They don't actually stop clocks, they slow them down to the point where they seem to be standing still, especially digital clocks, which pretty much do stand still until the minute changes. Also, it isn't just clocks, but everything that slows down, so they are able to maneuver in a world where they can do an hour's worth of stuff in mere seconds. Mac users can relate. All in all the title is misleading, which is fine, because based on the title I thought it was about a bunch of people that went around all day stopping clocks, maybe for the government or some mad genius whose father was killed as a result of the lack of Daylight Savings Time in certain areas of the U.S., and frankly I'm sick of seeing that old plot over and over again. What it wound up being was an enjoyable safe fluff movie. There's very little that could be considered objectionable by even some of the most overprotective mothers, and if your mom doesn't allow you to see this, chances are you'll wind up either blowing up your prom or living in her basement until you die, possibly with her mummified corpse. Sorry, those references were from movies you weren't allowed to see. If you aren't being set up for a life of drunken, bitter tragedy and resentment, don't let it's being safe scare you. As I mentioned, it's fun. It starts out with a quick conspiracy set-up, to let you know eventually there'll be bad guys, then establishes the fun possibilities of being able to move through a slowed down world. A world where civilizations rise and fall before AG completes his Top 5 lists. Through some clever stunts and gags, and a few standard but amusing, we also get a feel for the science of what's going on, before the actual exposition gets involved. Then we get Action Movie Junior, which is the intent in the first place. Nickelodeon knows its audience. Each time I see a preview for one of their movies, I tell myself I won't bother, see it anyway, and enjoy myself. They make target audience movies. Sure, lots of young 'uns wanted to see "The Matrix," but it wasn't made for them. Not many movies are made for the young adult demographic, less yet any by people that care. I would like to take a moment to question some of the science, a pointless venture that serves only to fill space and kill some time. In one scene, the lead kid and his extremely hot new girlfriend, played by Paula Garcés, who is not nearly as young as she looks, and I'd like to take moment and call dibs on, help out the guy's friend in a DJ spinning contest. At the speed we see them moving in Hypertime, he would have been rocketing around and probably got hurt. As it stands, they just seemed to be invisible. Also, to take somebody out of Hypertime they are shot with liquid nitrogen, which cools and slows their molecules back to normal time, while aiding in removing unsightly warts. I can accept that an unspecific amount can have the exact desired effect each time, sure, but when a paintball hits somebody in the chest, I'd think that area would slow, while the rest of the body continued at superspeed until likewise cooled or the proper thermal transfer took place> While uncertain of the exact effects, I'm pretty sure their superfast heart would explode. It gave me nightmares thinking about it, but then, so do a lot of things. |
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