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© DSFC |
THE
RECRUIT
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| ANY GIVEN SPY MOVIE | ||||||||||||
| by
jim What do you want this early in the year? Good movies? Than go see the Oscar nominees, avoid the new stuff. That said, THE RECRUIT, the latest in a string of films showcasing how poorly Al Pacino has invested his money, could have been a lot worse. As it is, though, it adds nothing to the genre, just more stuffing. In a few years, people will look back at this early entry into the filmographies of rising stars Colin Farrell and Bridget Moynahan and wonder why they wasted their time with it. When you look past the fact the THE RECRUIT was predictable and relatively boring, you can take solace in the fact that it wasn't straight up offensive. Doesn't sound like a glowing endorsement, huh? Reviews are like that sometimes. I sit here and start babbling away about a reasonably forgettable film, and it winds up coming across like I hated the damn thing. So, let's set the record straight, I did not hate THE RECRUIT. It just wasn't very good. It was directed by Roger Donaldson, who has done little to impress me in his twenty-six years as a director. The highlight would have to be either THE GETAWAY or SPECIES, neither a ringing endorsement, but to be fair, I never saw SMASH PALACE. That was sarcasm. In case you didn't notice. Sarcasm is hard to get across on the written page...or typed page, as the case may be...and in this case it is. So, I decided to cue you in to my use of sarcasm as a means of film commentary. What was I talking about again? Oh, yeah, SMASH PALACE. This 1981 film written and directed by Roger Donaldson stars Bruno Lawrence as Al Shaw, a man who...wait, I didn't see SMASH PALACE. Maybe I should, it sounds cool. Who am I kidding? It doesn't sound cool! It sounds lame! Lame! Lame! Lame! THE RECRUIT, that's what I'm reviewing...okay, so Donaldson is a total by-the-book director, but I think I covered that. Let's move on to Oscar winning screenwriter Robert Towne of CHINATOWN fame. His brother, the significantly less gifted Roger Towne wrote this. So, your pretty much out of luck there. Time to move on... Al Pacino is standard Al Pacino here. He's a little less loud than normal, so that's good. His character is thinly veiled and Pacino does little to add depth to the role. On the upside, Colin Farrell is doing his best to push that nasty bugger Russell Crowe out of the Hot-Talented-Actor-With-Accent-Of-The-Moment slot, he is solid throughout and so far has publicly handled himself at least a smidgen better. I'm waiting to see him in DAREDEVIL, I hear he's good, but I've been snowed in here on the East Coast, so I haven't been able to get to the theater. That's why I'm sitting here typing up a review for a movie I saw a few weeks ago and didn't like very much. I know other people who saw DAREDEVIL and they all really seemed to like it. That's always a good sign. Besides, I like Ben Affleck. I know that may sound kind of gay of me, but I can't help it, he's a likable guy. We should do a Top 5 on that. Most Likable Actors. No, forget it that's a stupid idea. What the hell was I thinking? Hold the phone...THE RECRUIT, that's right. My bad. So, on the upside, Colin Farrell is doing his best to...I already covered him? Sorry. How about Bridget Moynahan? No? Excellent. I thought that Moynahan was really good. This says a lot seeing as how the only other movie of hers that I saw was COYOTE UGLY and everyone knows how much distaste I have for that movie. Bridget Moynahan is exceptionally hot, and I've always had a soft spot in my heart for hot chicks. So forgiveness is pretty easy. Not to take anything away from her performance here, it's just that being hot always gives you an advantage. Some people find this attitude sexist. Not me. I just don't like ugly people very much. You'll usually find that it's ugly people causing most of the real problems in this world. Look at Saddam Hussien, he's an ugly bitch. Osama Bin Laden? Ugly. That French guy, you know the one that's in charge? I've never seen him, but I'll bet you dollars to donuts he's ugly. I think by eliminating ugly people we can forge ahead to create an even MORE perfect Union... I'm sorry, look, it's fairly obvious that I can't concentrate long enough to provide you with any more useful information on SMASH PALACE. So, I'll sum up, SMASH PALACE was so forgettable that...wait...I never saw SMASH PALACE. I shouldn't be reviewing it, that goes against my journalistic integrity. Who am I kidding? I have no journalistic integrity. I can barely even spell it. So, fuck SMASH PALACE. While you're at it, fuck THE RECRUIT. Nah, it wasn't that bad. I certainly wouldn't rush out in this weather to see it. |
 SMASH PALACE?  HOTTEST GIRL IN THE MOVIE: BRIDGET MOYNAHAN  SHOW ME THE MONEY  MOYNAHAN AND FARRELL PLAN TO DO IT |
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