Scary Movie 3

SCARY MOVIE 3

THIRD TIME'S FAIRLY CHARMING

by pat

I'm torn. I laughed enough to say I enjoyed this movie, but most of the good laughs, most of the really inspired stuff, I feel was what the filmmakers considered throwaway material. Little subtle jabs at the film styles of some of the films parodied were what got me chuckling, not the priest bringing a bottle of wine to baby-sit, or things of that ilk. I'm not entirely sure what constitutes an ilk, a question that has plagued me for years, but that's neither here nor there.

I found the absence of jokes revolving around male genitalia very refreshing. The Wayans brothers seemed to have this idea that taking a scene from a horror movie, replacing a key prop with a penis, then having somebody's eyes bug out was funny. If I thought looking at a penis was funny, I'd piss myself every time I pulled down my pants, except that I'd have my pants down. Come to think of it, I do expose my weenie to whiz, so maybe I am really amused at the humor, but don't want to seem insane by cackling at a urinal. Wait a minute. I look at the wall above the urinal. Okay, this is really messing with my head. Hold on a minute.

Okay. Sorry if this TMI, but I do not find looking at penae funny, unless my own has become old hat. Which, speaking of old hat (nice segway, eh?), when did people bumping their heads cease to be funny, and why has nobody told David Zucker and Pat Proft? I swear, every ninety seconds it seemed like somebody was banging their head on something. Even if you hadn't seen any other film in their head-trauma oeuvre, you'd be tired of it by act two here. It's even less funny now than jokes about white people trying to act black.

And another brilliant segway, going into the "8 Mile" subplot of the film! Ha friggin' ha, the farm boy can't rap! But they act like he can! No, wait, they act like he can. Hold it a tick, now he has respect. I'm confused, Mr. Comedy. Which joke are you telling. Can I go watch "Signs" again?

Bam! Three for three! See, the "Signs" parts of the movie were just great. There was an attention to detail and an interesting absurdity that just clicked in a way that said "The people making fun of this saw and enjoyed the movie they're making fun of enough to know what the hell they were joking about." Same to a slightly lesser degree with the "Ring" stuff. Having the space aliens in cheap masks and body suits photographed at a kegger? Funny. Pointing out that they can master space travel, but can't open a locked door in a farmhouse? Sharp. Pointing out when a phone rings at a scary time, there's only one phone in the house to suspensefully walk to? Oh, you saw that movie. But did you see "8 Mile," or just figure you didn't need to. I mean, it isn't a scary movie, so who knew it would be on the test? Stick to horror, stick to stuff you've seen, filmmakers, and the next one should go a little smoother. Oh, and in the "Too late now" department, next time stick to Brian Lynch's draft of the script. Or at least give him a credit Special thanks? Something?

"You call RANDOM HEARTS aging gracfully?"

NIELSEN IS SHOWN AN EXAMPLE OF AGING WITH DIGNITY

"We were just going to bury what's left of Shawn Wayans' career."

NOT A PARODY OF "THE 'BURBS"

And even Pat has dated Pam Anderson. It was for a week in '96.

IN TWO YEARS THIS JOKE WILL BE MORE DATED THAN PAM ANDERSON

Sadly, I have never dated Jenny McCarthy. Someday, though...

SPEAKING OF WHICH