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Okay, I admit it. I liked The Whole Nine Yards. A classic it aint, but it's always fun watching Bruce Willis goof off, and Amanda Peet has REALLY nice tits. None of these qualities are represented in this sub-sitcom level sequel. In the first film Oz (Matthew Perry, in between coke benders) has hitman Jimmy The Tulip (Willis) move in next door to him. His secretary Jill (Peet) is actually a hitwoman hired by his wife to kill him. Along the way he pseudo-befriends Jimmy, and pseudo boinks (as I mentioned, coke addict) the Tulips wife Cynthia(Natasha Henstridge). In the end Jimmy dumps Cynthia for Jill, everyone is happy with their new pair-ups, and Jimmy has killed the mob boss (Kevin Pollak) that was after his head. So story over, right? Well since the movie made some money of course not.

A few years later Oz and Cynthia are married and have just found out they're with child. What a perfect time for Cynthia and Jimmy to plan a heist of a fortune in the possession of the father of the mob boss that they killed (Pollak again, providing two of the films three laughs in a performance so bad it's funny). Problem is, they both have to lie to their respective
spouses (why is never fully explained sensibly) to get the job done. On top of that, part of the "plan" is to have Cynthia kidnapped by Pollack so she can get close to the plot device. Not knowing what is going on Oz goes out to find Jimmy for help. Jimmy is playing up a "I've gone crazy" angle to keep his wife, and in turn Oz since they still talk out of the loop.

Still with me? No? I don't blame you. The "Jimmy is crazy" angle is played for most of the film. It goes back and forth from Jill being in on the deception as it is convenient to the script. At one point she's really upset at something Jimmy has done in a private moment when no one else is there, then the next scene she was in on it all along. The reasoning behind this is keeping the plan from Oz, but JIll used to work for him and knows how stupid he is. I don't think her character would give any of the plan away to him, or care that Jimmy was doing all of this to get millions of dollars (she certainly doesn't care when she finds out). Not to mention there's an entirely unnecessary twist at the end that just muddles up the movie beyond redemption.

Rumor has it that the original script for this movie had Oz and Jimmy switching places (Oz is the gun-nut hero, while Jimmy has reverted to being a Martha Stewart-like homemaker). Some of the jokes from that script are still in the picture, and that makes it even worse. Embarrassing for all those involved, especially the audience. Lazy, lazy writing sadly from George Gallo who wrote Midnight Run. The director of Grumpier Old Men (Howard Deutch) I don't expect so much from, but Gallo's cash-in here makes the flick that much more disappointing.