by pat




In most every role she plays, she is a no-nonsense, mean, mean woman. She beats people up, manipulates them, humiliates them, shoots them, or just acts generally snotty. But she's so cute! She's got those cute little cross-eyes that make you wonder how Anime characters have such immense Felix the Cat eyes. Maybe they just got back from the eye doctor. And she has freckles! How this can be, I'm unsure, but if you look kinda close, there they are. Little tiny spots on her face that make her look so sweet and innocent, but I bet if you said anything she'd break off your pinky and use it to poke you in the windpipe a couple dozen times.

Personally, I think she should be a wrestler. Just imagine her and the Cat going head to head. Hair pulling, name calling, trash TV fun. I know I would watch "Ally McBeal" a little more often if at some point in each episode her and Portia de Rossi started a nice good natured crap-beating fest. Then they could lick their wounds and complain about men over drinks afterward. I think Vonda Shepard could work up a cover of "Eye of the Tiger." Oh, hold on, the phone's ringing. Oop. Gotta go. It's UPN. They want to hire me as a programming director.