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  TOP FIVE STAR WARS
GOOD GUYS
by pat

1. R2D2

As payback for shitty treatment, R2 takes a leak on the Jawa Sandcrawler

How is he NOT on everybody's list. Despite the language barrier, R2, it is clear, is smart, funny, confident, and not just a little bit sarcastic. He's also the bravest character in the bunch. While everyone else has as some point hesitated, there is R2 out on the hull of the ship working away, even as his compatriots are getting blasted off into deep space. Add up the times R2 saved the day. Makes you question the Jedi Knight "No droid" policy, don't it?

2. OBI WAN KENOBI

"You have your father's whining temperment. I'm heading back to my cave."

Old Ben, Young Ben, Uncle Ben, Blue Ben. Doesn't matter. As one of the last surviving Jedi Knights, as well as the man who helped use Anakin's children to redeem his great failure and return balance to the Force, it cannot be denied the guy kicks ass. Whenever anybody tries the Jedi mind trick, they use the Obi Wan voice, because ain't no Jedi cooler.

3. HAN SOLO

"Be vewwy vewwy quiet! I'm hunting Stowm Twoopers!"

The reason he's such a great hero is because he's not exactly good at it. His ship is a POS, he's greedy, he gets captured, he has a tough time improvising a decent solution, and all the while remains cocky and arrogant about it all. The fact that he is a major factor in the downfall of the Galactic Empire proves that anyone can make a difference, even if they DIDN'T really make the Kessel Run in twelve parsecs.

4. YODA

"Kick your ass I will."

He's the Jedi's Jedi, the head honcho, the big cheese, numero uno. He has the wisdom to lead the Jedi Knights, the strength of Force to take on anybody you could throw at him, and a dialect that while confusing is distinct and memorable. Also, since Luke wasn't fully trained, he was the last of true Jedi.

5. PADME AMIDALA

Sadly, Portman is still too young to have had a Photon birthday party.

She fights with words in the Galactic Senate, she fights with guns in her own palace, and she's still not old enough to buy cigarettes (unless Utopian Naboo is secretly run by Philip Morris, but that's doubtful.) The fact that she looks hot in a dirty hoodie or covered in flowers and Kabuki make-up doesn't hurt one bit either.

by jim

1. OBI WAN KENOBI

"Vader, you've got toilet paper stuck to your shoe, again."

Unstoppable Old Ben was the source of much playground ridicule when I was a kid. How could my favorite character be the old guy that dies in the first movie. Well, screw you I say! Now Obi-Wan gets his proper place as a major hero in the prequels and finally his own toy lightsaber! You all can kiss my ass. I knew he was the best. So what if he was partially responsible for turning Anakin into Vader? Everyone makes mistakes. Would you like it if everytime you turned some wide-eyed Jedi hopeful into the The Dark Lord of The Sith people came down on you? I didn't think so. Obi-Wan is cool, sarcastic and knows his shit when it comes to the force.

2. HAN SOLO

"Fight the Death Star? No...the Admiral is sending me on a beer run."

One of the two characters that firmly entrenched Harrison Ford as the coolest mother fucker in the universe. Han is the kind of guy that every kid wants to grow up and be: cool, aloof, happy, and good with the ladies. Sure he's scruffy looking, but that's part of his charm. He's the classic rouge with a heart of gold. Besides, his original Han Solo in Bespin Gear figure is perhaps the coolest toy ever.

3. PRINCESS LEIA

"Han Solo? I fucked 'em."

Once libeled by that schmuck from the Baltimore Sun as a poor role model for women, Leia stood firm even when Grand Moff Tarkin blew up her planet. She killed Jabba the Hutt (sorry for the spoiler if you're some jackass who's never seen RETURN OF THE JEDI) and wasn't merely rescued by Han and Luke from the Death Star, she was the one who saved their asses in the escape. Leia is one of the baddest chicks in the universe and was even smart enough to give it up to Han Solo.

4. PADME AMIDALA

"Darth Vader? I fucked 'em."

Sure it helps that Natalie Portman is mad hot and that she gets some of the greatest costumes ever. Her heroic Queen (turned Senator for Episode II), saved her planet by sticking to her guns. Sure she's a little naive in trusting that slimeball Palpatine, but she's hasn't seen the rest of the movies. She gets some of the best lines in THE PHANTOM MENACE and the coming of ATTACK OF THE CLONES promises to get her even more involved in the action. Oh yeah, and she gives birth to Luke and Leia, I suppose that's important, too.

5. R2-D2

R2 races to the Mos Eisley Cantina for Funny Hat Night

The feisty droid is more than just half of a comic duo with C-3PO. The little droid has saved the lives of the likes of Han Solo, Princess Leia, Queen Amidala, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Luke Skywalker, Qui-Gon Jinn, Chewbacca...need I go on? Without R2 there is no rebellion and the Empire wins. He can fix anything in any circumstance or environment, he's fiercely loyal and not just a little quirky. Could you imagine where the universe would be if R5-D4 hadn't had a bad motivator?

by AG

1. HAN SOLO

"Mention 'Sabrina' one more time, bucko..."

Before there was Indiana Jones (the second or third best hero maybe ever, and I'm talking about a scale that includes, like, King Arthur, Eliot Ness and the Dalai Lama here), there was the man. Pirate, scoundrel, stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder. And notwithstanding this last epithet being the namesake for a shitty band, simply put, Han Solo's the man.

2. PRINCESS LEIA

"Nice try, Aniston."

Consider her a sort of PG-rated Ellen Ripley. In a gold bikini, to
boot. And there you have it.

3. OBI-WAN KENOBI (young)

His one flaw? Inventing the "Rat Tail" haircut.

While Alec Guinness's Oscar-nominated performance (see #4) gave us old Ben as a sage and somewhat battle-ready (sorta, anyway) prophet type (Merlin + Gandalf = Obi-Wan), Ewan MacGregor's serious asskicking, Force-wielding, Darth Maul-bisecting turn in the otherwise flat Phantom Menace is a fresh performance, while still tipping the hat to Guinness's work.

4. OBI-WAN KENOBI

Guinness watches the Christmas special in horror.

Alec Guinness is awesome.

5. THE NAMELESS KAMIKAZE A-WING PILOT WHO TRASHES THE EXECUTOR BY FLYING INTO IT

"This one's for Porkins!"

Okay, I figure a lot of the other good guy choices would get taken, so I decided to throw a shout-out to the A-Wing pilot who, after the shield generators on the Executor get blown out, flat-spins his ship into Admiral Piett's sternum. My hat's off to you, O Nameless Hero.
       
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Some good guys were disqualified after a thorough background check was performed. We're looking at YOU, Lobot!